“The time is passing by
I often pray before I lay down by your side.
If you receive your calling before I awake
Could I make it through the night
Cherish the Love we have
We should cherish the life we live.”
-Kool & The Gang
Wow. It’s been awhile since I sat down to even consider blogging. Putting something out into the wide open space of internet living. I remember when I started blogging about my WLJ years ago, a friend said…in the end if it helps you, do it for you. The crowd and critics will think what they want. And writing did help. And signing up for races helped. And encouraging others helped. And then I stopped. Regressed back. Shrunk down into a pit of despair. I guess post divorce that can happen. It’s like walking without legs in a sea of disoriented darkness. There were times my chest felt tight and another good friend called out, that’s anxiety. Hmmm…never realized that was a struggle. Interesting.
“Trouble is just a place to sing…” -Shawn Colvin
I set out with this new found freedom in my hand, wanting anywhere but here. Holding the loss and brokenness with hope for a brighter future and better days ahead. How much brighter could it be than Southern California. Maybe I would be a permanent traveler, a missionary, get back to my lost dream of living in NYC again. Something, anything. I went on some sort of a quest to find what I was looking for.
“But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…” U2
I set out with my word of intention for 2017 to be Cherish. Even in the dark, even when time is passing and you don’t have a clue, cherish the moments you get to live, move, love, connect and share. I was able to go and experience new places, meet new people, try different things and cherish the opportunities and moments. A salsa class with shoe mishaps. An improv class where I seemed to be a beat behind, with quick witted creativity just beyond my grasp. I cherished driving cross country by myself without a tire flying off or a stranger abduction. I was able to cherish the pool with my family and come back home to realize it’s the people we love and do life with that make up much of who we are. And even with NYC at my fingertips, a place I thought I was meant to be, I cherished the decision to stay closer to home for now. To build a new life on familiar ground with those I love close by. Amazing friends. Supportive community. Family ties. In the end, who are we if we don’t have the people we love.
Grateful to start this new year with a greater sense of purpose and belonging. To build into the new and let go of what I think it should look like. Embrace the cracks. Feed the light. And just keep swimming.
I said to a friend be careful what you decide as your word for the year as you will be guaranteed a challenge in every aspect of the word. But in the spirit of moving forward and to quote a great…”And I won’t back down” This year I have decided on the word Discover. There is a sense of uncovering, exploration, understanding and learning more that draws me to that word. After watching “The Never Ending Story” last night with my nephews the place of adventure, possibility and hope.
“People with no hope are easy to control” -Never Ending Story
What is your word for this year? Is there an intention you have, a stirring in your heart that beckons you forward into this new year? New beginnings and possibilities. New adventures. New people, places and things. Discovering more to come. I hope so.
“He has put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.” -Psalm 40:3